Star Fox Adventures, the Squeakwell
by Jambolo
Summary: Star Fox has returned to dinosaur planet and all is not as it seems...
1. Chapter 1

This is a work of fiction. All characters referenced within this story are completely ficticious, any relation to humans living/dead is completely coincidental.

David Cameron was skull fucking a pigs head. David Cameron was the prime minister of dinosaur planet so was a dinosaur and not a creepy looking human being. David Cameroon was clinging to the pigs ears, his finger nails digging into the shapely pig skull. He was whistling loudly because whistling makes you look perfectly normal even if you are doing something kinda gross.

Fox Mccloud landed on the surface of dinosaur planet. He had been here before when he had fighted with general scales, who was the bad guy of the game that they were both in. Fox ran his hand through his hair. Fox is a fox so he has hair all over his body, but he rubbed it through the hair on his head that was not his face. He was here for Tricky's birthday party. Tricky was a shitty little dinosaur that Fox used to travel with. Trickys birthday happened every year and it had been 3 years since Fox had last seen him. Fox hadn't asked Trucky how old he was because he thought it would be a pretty creepy question to ask.

"Hey fox!" Shouted a squeaky familiar voice. Fox turned around and his eyebrow hair moved higher up his head

"Tricky?!" Fox ejaculated, flinging his arms into the air as though he was being held up by terrorists. Tricky was now bigger than he used to be. He was once smaller than Fox but now he was bigger. Fox was not too surprised because he kneew that people get bigger when they grow up even when they are shitty dinosaurs.

"You made iit hear for my birthday!" Tricky exclaimed, bashing his big dinosaur feet on the ground causing a nearby bomb spore to explode killing a family of rabbits. Tricky didn't ccare because he was a reckless maverick who hadn't seen his friend in years.

"So where is the party happening?" Fox asked, looking around at the empty field.

"At the store obvs!" Tricky shouted, making an effort to crush a baby sparrow under his enormous hoof. "My dad, the king earthwalker, is holding a surprise party for me and you're invited!" Fox smiled. Surprise parties were the best, he couldn't wait to see the look on Tricky's face when he found out.

Tricky's dad, the king earth walker stood patiently, his party hat firmly griiipping his scaley dinosaur face.

"When is Tricky getting here!?" Bellowed Tricky's dad, the king earthwalker. "I thought he was out meeting his gay fox friend.

"They are not gay," said Tricky's mom "They were all wiped out in the purge. Tricky's dad, the king earthwalker smiled to himself, remembering the massacre fondly. The creepy genies shop keeper was standing in the corner looking grumpy. She? was looking awkwardly into the corner. Business had been pretty bad for him? ever since her? only customer had left to go fight aliens or something.

The mammoths were not able to attend the party because they were to big too fit in the building.

Fox was walking next to Tricky. He remembered how bad a companion Tricky was and how he always wanted to beat his ass with his staff. Tricky was bigger now so Fox was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to wreck him so easily anymore. After Tricky had finished slaughtering an injured kitten fox saw something that sent a shiver down his spine and tail because he is a fox. The air suddenly filled with large ships, all of them bigger than foxes space ship the Arwing, but smaller than the other ship that the other guys ride on. The sky went black instead of blue like it was before.

"Fox, the party is right this way!" Tricky shouted running towards the store.

"Wait Tricky NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" FOX SHOUted. The entire shop was suddenly exploded like a really big explosion. Everyone inside was kill, including Tricky's dad, the king earth walker. Fox was blown backwards, like when you find a really big spider and decide to remove it with the vacume cleaner instead of a glass and some paper.

Fox heard a loud ringing in his ear. The sound was loud. Everything was really blurry, like when you get your glasses mixed up with your friend's who has a different prescription. There was blood everywhere. Or ketchup, Fox hadn't checked yet. He looked down and saw that he was unharmed, so it wasn't his blood. Fox smiled, it would have sucked being killed. Then he remembered Tricky. He looked around quickly, causing his neck to make a weird cracking sound but it didn't hurt so he didn't worry too much about it. Tricky had lost a leg and had a piece of dinosaur bone sticking out of his eye. It hurt quite a bit.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Tricky gets Furrious

"More bacon? Ohohoho I'm so naughty!" Giggled David Cameron, sitting on a picnic blanket with the pigs head. The pigs head did not respond as it was dead. David Cameron smiled gleefully and finished off the last packet of prawn cocktail skips. He liked the way the crisps fizzed against his tongue almost as much as the sensation of putting his donger inside a dead animal.

Fox stood up. The ground was covered in dinosaur blood which made it really slippy. He stumbled and fell over, like a dog trying to walk on a newly tiled kitchen. Tricky was breathing heavily, his dad, the king earthwalker's pelvic bone was sticking inside his eye and no matter how hard he blinked he just couldn't get it out.

"Are you okay?" Fox asked, passing Trickys exploded leg over to him.

"I think so," Tricky said, sicking up a load of blood "I'll be fine after some birthday cake." Fox didn't know what to say.

"Tricky-" Fox said placing a caring hand onto Tricky's blood-oozing back "I don't think the cake made it."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Fox was carrying Tricky on his back. Tricky was heavy but Fox had read a book on how to carry people properly so he could handle it. Suddenly the alarm on his radio went off loudly. It was Peppy Hair, he looked tired, he always looked tired.

"Fox, I heard all of Trickys friends and family are killed, you need to look after him now and help him get revenge against the men that killed his friend and family." Fox nodded, he understood what he had to do.

"Peppy, initiate operation yiff."

Krystal sat on the space ship orbiting dinosaur planet. She had been an important part of helping the planet before getting trapped in a crystal for about 90% of the game. Tricky hadn't invited her to his party and she was kinda bummed about that. krystal was also a fox but she was blue like all foxes aren't. She let out a loud yawn and rubbed sleep out of her eyes.

"This is bullshit!" she shouted, slamming her hands on the console. Krystal looked down and realise that she had hit the emergency attack button. Suddenly hundreds of ships shot out of the bigger ship and went hurtling down to dinosaur planet. Crystal looked down in horror as the ships shot towards the location of Tricky's party.

"Well...fuck!" Krystal exclaimed.

Fox walked along the desolated planet. The explosion of the hundreds of mysterious ships had made the land even more crappy. Tricky was still unconscious but was whispering something in his dreaams.

"Revenge, Fox, they played us like a damn f- aAAARRRRRGRHHH" Tricky's eyes shot open and he started wriggling violently. Fox struggled to hold onto Tricky and used the corpse of a nearby Mammoth to steady himself. Tricky rolled onto the ground like a dog with an itchy back. The stump where his leg used to be was swinging around flinging blood everywhere.

"Damn it calm down Tricky!" Fox bellowed, kicking Tricky in the face affectionately. "This is not the time for tears and tantrums, this is the time for plans and actions!" Fox pulled out his blaster and aimed it up towards the sky. "These mother fuckers want a war, we'll give them a goddamn war!"

Krystal sat in the control room twiddling her thumbs nervously. She was super embarassed that she had accidentally caused a genocide on dinosaur planet. There was a knock at the door and she swivelled around quickly. It was Slippy the frog.

"Hey Krustal, turns out there was a big attack by over a hundred mysterious ships and it turns out that over a hundred of our ships are missing, do you know anything about that?" Krystal turned around 360 degrees before tapping herself on the head to stop being dizzy.

"I sent them to the shops!" she said quickly "We really needed cereal, you know what Falco is like if he doesn't get his cheerios." Slippy raised a hairless eyebrow and then nodded, Falco was pretty shitty if he didn't get his nutricious and delicious breakfast snacks.

"Well, when they get back from the store we're gonna need them to mobilise, Fox has declared war and we're gonna need a lotta fire power." Slippy left, the door closing automatically behind him. Krystal looked out of the window at the burning planet. She was going to need to think fast.


End file.
